I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus on anything but you. I was always worried about you and your happiness.

I guess you were never happy with me and its just so easy for you to pluck me out of your life… I’m torn up inside. I have trust issues now, I feel like everyone I come in contact with will just leave me like you did without basically saying a single word. When you had that fear of me leaving you, “like everyone else”.

Do you remember that night you got into a fight with your parents? Pinned up against a wall? Did I leave? No.

The time where you were having terrible thoughts did I say oh you’ll be fine suck it up? No.

Did I leave you alone when you had such anger after a party where you needed to hit something and ended up almost hurting me during something that was suppose to be intimate? No.

Did I once say no to something you ever wanted to do? No.

Did I leave you hangin when you got your new apartment with money and lack of things to furnish the apartment? No.

Why did I still want you after all the lies. All the lies about the girls you talk to behind my back whether you met them or not. Some lines shouldn’t be crossed if you’re in a relationship. 
Why did I fight so hard to get you back when I eventually got my heart stomped on once again and it sent me into the pavement even harder than last time.

Alex,

I sit here writing this to hopefully have you read. I’m stronger. I don’t need you as much as I thought I did. Am I lonely as fuck? Yes I am because I miss who you use to be the first two months of us dating because I know for a fact that was the real you. The real you who was scared to live and be alone. It turned into a relationship where you held all the cards. Knew exactly what to say at the right time. All these girls throwing themselves at you. At least when I got hit on I didn’t have a big head about it. I laughed it off or made a joke about it because I knew I had you and that was enough. You need to focus on yourself. Not anyone else to make you feel good. Yes you have a kick ass personality, yes you’re very good looking. Those compliments can only go so far. What about the ones who know how to handle you and won’t walk away when things like the above get like that? Work, earn money, work on your transition, live on your own, hang out with friends, no relationships because you can’t handle that. You’ve made that pretty damn clear. I’m proud of you coming out to your family that’s a big step. It will take time for them but you have to understand that. Its going to take time for anyone who has known you. But the thing I learned the most out of our relationship is that I can do better. I love you still. I love your touch your kiss your cuddle the way you said I love you forever and always… even though forever happened to be pretty damn short. Take care of your heart, I’ll take care of mine. One day we could be friends because Ik you can still come to me any time with anything no matter how I feel about you right now. But I told you I wouldn’t be the one to walk away. You have Megan as well… she’s always going to be a big part of your life. Her and I, at least I think, are the most real people you will ever have. Shouldn’t let that go… Find out who you are and find out who your true friends are. Do you, the real you. Not this bull shit person who no one knows anymore. Find your true self. 
Best of luck to you and what ever you decide to do. 

I love you